O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.



O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.



My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

life

its a fucking learning process.
i'm working getting to where i need to be.

And I will wear my scars like badges of honor.

yeah.okay.
ill.be.okay.
alright.fine.
ill.be.just.fine.
NO!
im.ready.
to.give.in.and.give.up.
all.hope.has.faded.
im.lost.
in.swirling.cesspool.of.black.and.red.
the.foul.air.
is.tainted.with.such.bitter.despair.
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
someone.let.me.out.
someone.save.me.
i.cant.do.this.on.my.own.
i.am.so.tired.of.being.alone.
i.am.so.sick.of.this.lonely.feeling.
okay!okay!
im.not.okay!
you.have.seen.straight.through.me.
alright!alright!
im.not.alright!
you.knew.the.smiles.were.not.real.

So there was this woman and
she was, uh, on an airplane and
she's flying to meet her fiancé
sailing high above the--the largest ocean
on planet earth and she was seated
next to this man who, you know
she had tried to start conversations
an really--really the only thing
she heard him say was to order his bloody mary
and she's sitting there and she's reading
this really arduous magazine article about a
third world country that she couldn't
even pronounce the--the name of and
she's feeling very bored and very despondent
and--and then, uh, suddenly there's this huge mechanical failure and one of the--the engines gave out
and they started just falling -an- thirty thousand feet
and the pilot's on the microphone and he's saying,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Oh My God, I'm Sorry"
and apologizing and she looks at the man and she--and she says,
"Where are we going?" and he looks at her and he says,
"We're going to a party, it--it's a birthday party.
It's your birthday party, happy birthday darling.
We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much."
And then, uh, he starts humming this little tune and--and, uh, it kind of goes like this....

waiting for the storm to pass.
waiting for the skies to clear.
waiting for the sun.

the weight of one thousand lonely thoughts pressing down on my back.
walls closing in.
questioning motives.
full of hate.
unanswered questions.
lost in a fog of uncertainty.
longing for peace.