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walking the blocks from one cozy familiar place to another, listening to some instrumental music, i look around at the earth. the sky, the grass, the trees, the birds and the bugs, and even the cars and buildings. and as i do so and as the intoxicating river flows through my veins and settles into my bones, i cannot help but think one thing. THE EARTH IS NOT A COLD DEAD PLACE.

The times they are a-changin

i find it so odd how so many things can change over time.
comparing the past to the present makes me realize this.
recently i have been listening to a lot of jazz and swing.
10years ago i would have told you that jazz was the most dull and annoying music ever.
10years ago i was also in to rap, hip-hop, and pop music.....

i wonder where i will be in 10years from now...

The Dead Flag Blues

The car is on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows

The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death

The sun has fallen down
And the billboards are all leering
And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

It went like this:

The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies
Picked through the rubble
And pulled out their hair

The skyline was beautiful on fire
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -
These are truly the last days"

You grabbed my hand
And we fell into it
Like a daydream
Or a fever

We woke up one morning and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death

I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood


The Dead Flag Blues
Godspeed You Black Emperor!

not happy. not sad.

over the past several months i have come to realize and come to terms with the fact that i am not an overly happy person, but im not too sad all the time either. i really believe that i am just happy enough. happy enough to be content in life, to be semi-normal, and happy enough to not want to kill myself(which, for all intents and purposes is a good thing) and i am okay with that. just like everyone else i have my good days and i have my bad days. although sometimes i feel like the bad days happen more often than not but at the same time i feel that the good days out shine the bad days.

people just want to be heard.

i realize that about nine times out of ten that when someone asks the question "how are you doing?" they dont really want to hear how your life is going, they want two things; one. to hear that your doing well and two. to give them a reason to bitch about how shitty their life is, whether you want to hear it or not.
i am no exception to this, i really do try not to but sometimes i cannot help it.
i want to be heard.
i want to know that i have a voice.
and i want to know that im not the only fucked up person in this fucked up world.