My entire life I have sat on the fence of religion. I was raised in a (somewhat) christian family and I have gone to church for as long as I can remember, but when it came to friends at school or work I would tell them that I did not believe in God just so I could fit in and be liked. But now that I'm at a point in my life where i don't care about what others think of me as much as I did then, I am completely unsure if I really do believe in God or not.
In one hand I think of all the things I learned growing up. That God is a just, kind, fair, loving God. That He is all powerful, always with me, forgiving and that He sent His son to die for me. And when I think of all that, it all seems so wonderful and amazing. And I wonder, how could I not believe in it.
And then there’s the other hand….Its not that I don’t believe in God, its just that im not sure if I can really believe in Him or not. There are just so many things that have happened to me personally, things that have happened to my friends and family, and things that I see going on in the world that make me think that there can’t possibly be a loving, caring, all-powerful God. Rape, abuse, murder, drugs addictions, drug dealers, prostitution, molestation, theft, corouption, kidnapping, etc. Where is God in all these things? Why does He allow them to happen? I have been told time and time again that all things happen for a reason. But I ask, what “reason” could possibly justify rape? or murder? I just don’t get it at all and for the past few years I have sought answers to thses questions and come up with nothing at all…so, for now, I just don’t know if I believe in God or not…
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